Excerpt from: ALIEN NATION "The Television Pilot" Two hour version, Written by Kenneth Johnson

This is an excerpt from the second scene of act one and introduces many of the show's main characters. This excerpt contains a short sequence not shown in the final film.

EXT. A CEMETERY - DAY - A GRAVESTONE marks the final resting place of "Sergeant William Tuggles, LAPD - B:1950 D:l991." A man's hand places a small bunch of flowers on the grave.

THE MAN (O.S.)
Can't believe y'been gone a month already, Tuggs.

ANGLE ACROSS THE GRAVESTONE TO THE MAN This is Detective Lieutenant MATTHEW SIKES. He stares at the grave, speaks quietly...

SIKES
...Really miss ya, man. (a pause) ...Least I nailed the slag who got you, huh? ...Yeah. Big deal.

He stares at the grave a moment longer, feeling the frustration of his loss and inability to have done more. Finally he sighs and turns away.



INT. THE POLICE STATION COFFEE ROOM - DAY - SGT. DOBBS a black, plainclothes cop, is pouring coffee into his PERSONALIZED MUG, speaking to Sikes, who's back is to us.

DOBBS
This slag comes in with a duck under his arm. So the bartender says, "what's the pig want to drink?" - The slag says, "It's not a pig, it's a duck." - And the bartender says -

SIKES
(turning to him) "I'm Talkin' to the duck."

DOBBS
Awwww, y'heard it.

SIKES
I heard 'em all.

George appears in the doorway behind them. They're unaware.

DOBBS
Yeah I guess you woulda. Givin' a slag for a new partner.

SIKES
He's not my partner okay Dobbs? My partner got killed in a shoot-out, remember? - This putz is just an assignment.

DOBBS
Teach ya t'mouth off at the old man, huh? Grazer gets promoted to captain - and you get a slag partn - "assignment." (imitating their chief) "What the hell you think you are, Sikes, one man police force? Just cause your name starts with 'S.' don't make you Serpico - or Stallone."

SIKES
Yeah... okay...

DOBBS
"Just 'cause you got the best arrest record on the East Side don't give you the right to be a hot dogger."

SIKES
I said okay.

DOBBS
"It's time you learned t'be a team player, dammit, and I got the perfect new partner for you: first Newcomer detective. - And the fact that I lost five hundred dollars t'you in the Series's got nothing t'do with it."

SIKES
You want this coffee in your crotch?

DOBBS
Hey, lighten up, Sikes. - How 'bout this one: slag goes into a bowling alley

GEORGE
Morning, Matt.

Sikes mumbles hello. Dobbs smirks and leaves. George hands Sikes a small white bag.

SIKES
What's this?

GEORGE
Bran muffin, a little prune juice. You mentioned yesterday -

SIKES
What're you? A pocktologist? How 'bout y'be a good little slag and mind your own business.

He pushes past George, who sighs and follows him through the busy station, passing other cops and clerks, a few of whom are Newcomers.

GEORGE
Matt, if I could suggest... I don't really care how you refer to me privately, but when we're questioning other Newcomers...

SIKES
(annoyed) What, what...

GEORGE
The word slag equates to such words as kyke and nigger. - And I think you'll get more honey with a pound of vinegar than a pound of flies.

Sikes stops. Looks at him. Draws a breath. Gives up. Walks on.

SIKES
Never mind. - Yeah. Okay.

GEORGE
Incidentally, I think it's proctologist.

SIKES
Whatever.

They pass a woman cop (PUENTE) and a reporter (BURNS).

BURNS
C'mon, disappearances're no good. No photos. My editor wants something hot. Visual.

PUENTE
Yeah, like y'last photo essay: "The Fishwoman of Long Beach."

BURNS
Sold a lotta papers.

A NEWCOMER JANITOR passes them, carrying a fluorescent tube.

DOBBS
Hey Lightning can y'dump my circular file?

This Newcomer (ALBERT) is a bit slow-witted. He looks puzzled.

DOBBS
Trash can, Albert, my trash can.

ALBERT
Oh. Sure th-thing, Sergeant Dobbs.

DOBBS
(to a Newcomer cop) I thought all you guys were s'posed to be whiz kids.

THE NEWCOMER COP
I thought all you guys had rhythm.

Dobbs smiles. Shows off his tap dance. Albert has picked up the trash can, but the fluorescent tube he's carrying NUDGES Dobbs' personalized mug - causing it to fall onto the floor and SHATTER.

DOBBS
Hey! Aw, man look at - ! Aw dammit!

Albert is mortified. Drops to his knees to pick up the pieces.

ALBERT
I'm s-sorry, sergeant... I-

DOBBS
My kid gave me that, man. Damn.

He turns away angrily. Albert puts the pieces carefully into the trash can. Wanting to die.

ANGLE ACROSS SIKES' DESK - HIS DAUGHTER'S PHOTO IN F.G. signed, "Daddee - I love you!" - Sikes sits. George hovers.

PUENTE
Hey Sikes, got a couple more disappearances in Slagtown. Somma these names kill me: Mort Dakota, Eleanor Roosevelt...

SIKES
The guys in quarantine musta got pretty punchy givin' names to all those sla- Newcomers.

GEORGE
(looking at the papers) Disappearances...?

PUENTE
Aw, they're always knocking each other off down there. (aside to Sikes) I say let 'em, huh? - oh, and some bum took a three story dive on Alameda. Pretty grisly.

BURNS
(from across the room) Grisly?! - Did I hear grisly?

EXT. THE BROKEN DOWN WAREHOUSE - DAY - A VAGRANT'S FACE Dead. Staring. His face splotched with ugly SORES. Dark patches of SLIMY STAIN are on his clothes.

SIKES
Jeeze. Look at those sores. That slime. Bag him. - Bluckh.

He turns away, nauseous. The group of curious ONLOOKERS, as well as the BILLBOARDS nearby, include a number of Newcomer faces. One billboard shows a smiling human shaking hands with a Newcomer. The Copy reads, "Let's ALL vote! - Yes on 16." George approaches with the SALVATION ARMY NEWCOMER.

GEORGE
Matt, this is Philip Adelphia. He said -

SIKES
Wait a minute: Phil Adelphia?

MR. ADELPHIA
I'm afraid so. But I hear it's the City of Brotherly Love, so at least that's something.

GEORGE
He works at the Mission over on third.

SIKES
You know the deceased?

MR. ADELPHIA
Peter Lincoln was the name he used, poor man. He came regularly for his meals. When he missed two of them, I came looking. He seemed to be out of his mind from the pain of those sores. He broke away from me, ran up those stairs and jumped.

SIKES
Okay. Could you just give your statement to one of those officers. ...And thanks.

GEORGE
(walking with Sikes) What are you thinking?

SIKES
I woulda jumped, too, if I had all those zits. - Suicide. Let's get a doughnut. (walking, shouting off) Too late, Burns, he's in the bag.

BURNS
(readying his camera) C'mon, I gotta get some photos! What am I gonna tell my editor?!

SIKES
Beats the hell outta me. Why don't y'tell him t'wrap fish in his paper - that's all it's worth.

INT. THEIR POLICE CAR - SIKES & GEORGE

SIKES
I hate that guy - and the rag he works for. Shoulda seen the crap they wrote about Tuggs when he got killed, made him sound like a jerk or - S'matter? That is a worried look, huh? Sometimes it's hard to tell.

GEORGE
I just want to follow up on that vagrant's autopsy.

SIKES
Whatever turns you on.

RADIO VOICE
All units in the vicinity of Euclid Elementary. We have a major disturbance reported.

GEORGE
(reacting sharply) Can we go over there?

SIKES
What? C'mon, George, I really want a doughnut. I'll buy ya a piece of spleen or something, let's -

GEORGE
It's my daughter's school.

[Return to the Episode Guide] - [Read the whole of the ALIEN NATION "The Television Pilot" script]